NFL Week 11: Holy Buckeye!

It looks like I’ve settled in to a groove midway through the season. During the bye weeks, I constantly went 8-5 or 9-4. Now, after the bye weeks are over, my string of decent, but certainly not great, records continues at 9-6. Show me my records, maestro:
Overall: 88-47 (65%)
Vs. Spread: 76-55-4
As always, please don’t use these picks to wager with. I know some lost soul who did last week, and my 6-9 mark against the spread was not to kind to him/her.

SUNDAY
Indianapolis Colts (9-0)(-1.5) vs. Dallas Cowboys (5-4)
1:00 p.m. Texas Stadium
I gotta tell ya; I’m impressed with what I’ve seen from Tony Romo. I hate to say it, but the man looks to be a legitimate quarterback. He doesn’t make stupid decisions, he’s willing to throw the ball away and he’s not afraid to take shots down the field. I’m not very excited about the prospect that the Redskins will have to face this guy for the better part of decade.

I’ve become so impressed that I quickly jumped on him a couple of weeks ago in my fantasy league. My normal rule when doing these fantasy things is never draft or sign any player from the NFC East that doesn’t play for Washington. That way my rooting interests are not conflicted. But I picked up Romo with the intention of sitting him on my bench until one of friends decided to trade for him. The majority of my league is populated with intelligent football fans (there are a couple of teams I’m not too sure about). No one wants this guy. I’m offering him for next to nothing and no one wants him. I think they’re calling my bluff. As Matt Hasselbeck continues to recover from injury, and the quarterback by committee lineup is losing its appeal, I may actually have to start Romo very soon. I think everyone in my league wants to see this.

Meanwhile, Indy continues to roll, despite only showing up for two quarters against Buffalo. I know where Indy will lose and it won’t be here. I’ll tell you when the game arrives. But it’s not this one.
Pick: Colts

Oakland Raiders (2-7) vs. Kansas City Chiefs (5-4)(-10)
1:00 p.m. Arrowhead Stadium
Ok, I’m not the only one that thinks Damon Huard may be the better option in this game, am I? Huard, for the past two months, has been possessed by the ghosts of Steve DeBerg and actually resembled a NFL quarterback. I’d take my chances with him over someone who is still recovering from a concussion.
Pick: Chiefs, Raiders cover

Cincinnati Bengals (4-5) vs. New Orleans Saints (6-3)(-3)
1:00 p.m. Louisiana Superdome
Football for the defensive impaired. One team allowed the Steelers non-existent offense look good last week (As I’m writing this, I think Willie Parker just broke off another 70-yard run). The other team made Philip Rivers look like a Hall-of-Famer. In typical unpredictable NFL fashion, how much do you want to bet that this game will be a defensive struggle?
Pick: Bengals

Pittsburgh Steelers (3-6)(-4) vs. Cleveland Browns (3-6)
1:00 p.m. Cleveland Browns Stadium
The Steelers are 3-6. When they win this game they’ll be 4-6. No, this does not mean the Steelers are going make the playoffs, or even get close to a playoff spot. It just means that they beat a bad Cleveland team. That’s all.
Pick: Steelers

Tennessee Titans (2-7) vs. Philadelphia Eagles (5-4)(-13)
1:00 p.m. Lincoln Financial Field
I continue to stick by my prediction that the Eagles won’t win more than eight games. This will be win number six…but where are the Eagles going to get three more?
Pick: Eagles, Titans cover

Atlanta Falcons (5-4) vs. Baltimore Ravens (7-2)(-4)
1:00 p.m. M&T Bank Stadium
My record picking the Falcons: 1-8. My record picking the rest of the NFL: 87-39. At this point, I hope the Falcons keep defying my pick so I don’t have to think of anything else to write here for the game analysis.
Pick: Ravens

St. Louis Rams (4-5) vs. Carolina Panthers (5-4)(-6)
1:00 p.m. Bank of America Stadium
Let me take you back a couple of weeks ago. The Panthers collapsed against Dallas and the Rams were heading into Seattle to “take control of their division”. Everyone was talking about how the Rams could be a sleeper and Carolina was done. I kept telling you that the Rams were frauds and that Carolina would recover. Guess who was right. This guy, right here. The Panthers are back on track for a playoff spot. The Rams just lost to a Seattle team quarterbacked by Seneca Wallace and with Maurice Morris as the starting running back. Anyone still think the Rams are a darkhorse?
Pick: Panthers

Buffalo Bills (3-6) vs. Houston Texans (3-6)(-3)
1:00 p.m. Reliant Stadium
Will anyone outside of the Houston and Buffalo areas see this game? Heck, will the CBS affiliate in either town even bother to broadcast this one? When the best story line is Eric Moulds vs. his old team, you have a problem and you probably don’t have an audience.
Pick: Bills

New England Patriots (6-3)(-6) vs. Green Bay Packers (4-5)
1:00 p.m. Lambeau Field
Can’t you just hear the sports media having an orgasm during this one. Tom Brady vs. Brett Favre! In Lambeau Field! OH MY GOD! Is there any way we could get Pat Summerall and John Madden to do this game?
Pick: Patriots

Chicago Bears (8-1)(-7) vs. New York Jets (5-4)
1:00 p.m. Giants Stadium
The Bears continue their Jimmy Hoffa tour in Jersey against the surprising Jets. I believe the last team that had to play two consecutive games in the Meadowlands were the Redskins in 1999 (both victories by the way). Meanwhile, the Jets shocked everyone last week by beating the mighty Patriots in Foxboro. I’ve had several Patriots fans tell me this week that the Pats didn’t show up and the game was actually closer than the score indicated. Um, wrong. Everytime I turned the game on the Pats were getting dominated on both sides of the ball. The Jets offensive and defensive line controlled the game from start to finish. If anything, the score doesn’t reflect how badly the Jets pounded New England.
Pick: Bears

Minnesota Vikings (4-5) vs. Miami Dolphins (3-6)(-3.5)
1:00 p.m. Dolphins Stadium
Daunte Culpepper was an All-Pro for the Minnesota Vikings. Then tragedy struck (show stock footage of knee injury and boat party in Lake Minnetonka). Culpepper was determined to start over, so the Vikings traded him to Miami. Now his old team comes to town and Culpepper must prove he’s a winner. There’s just one problem…Daunte Culpepper isn’t playing! See Daunte Culpepper star in “Revenge from the Bench”, starting this Sunday at a stadium near you.
Pick: Dolphins

Detroit Lions (2-7) vs. Arizona Cardinals (1-8)(-2)
4:05 p.m. University of Phoenix Stadium
I have no interest in discussing this game. So, since I have the opportunity, let me talk about Michigan’s other semi-pro team.

This week, as most sports fans already know, the #2 Michigan Wolverines face the #1 Ohio State Buckeyes. This game is being billed as the “Game of the Century”. That’s great and all, but I have one small problem with that. We had a “Game of the Century” last year. In fact, we had two. First it was USC-Notre Dame and then it was USC-Texas. This century isn’t six years old yet and already we’ve had at least three games that supposedly only come around once in 100 years.

So are you buying this hype? I’m not. Over the last few years, I’ve come to respect college football more than I used to. But if there’s one thing I have no respect for, it’s Big Ten football. Someone go tell these coaches that we’re not in the 1960’s anymore. It’s all right to throw the ball more than 15 times a game. Is there a more uninspiring brand of football then run, run, run and defense, defense, defense? Boring, boring, boring. I am so tired of having ESPN broadcast every single Big Ten football game they can find when there are plenty of great games each week that we’re not able to see. Two weeks ago, for example, Texas A&M and Oklahoma played a thriller. However, everyone east of the Mississippi didn’t see it. Instead, we were stuck watching Ohio State and Illinois. At this point, I would rather watch a game featuring a bunch of nobodies than anyone in the Big Ten. At least the nobodies have a chance to put some points on the board.

The worst part is that the Big Ten is almost never competitive. Aside from the occasional challenge by Penn State, the Big Ten always comes down to Michigan and Ohio State. That’s why any other conference is more appealing. Even the SEC, a conference in which most teams use the Big Ten run and defense game plan, is interesting to watch. Every season there are four or five teams that could easily win the conference. Auburn beats Florida one week, then loses to LSU the next, who in turn, loses to Arkansas, who in turn loses to Florida. The games are unpredictable. The game plans are unpredictable. The conference as a whole is unpredictable. That’s what makes sports so exciting. Even though you think you have something figured out, all it takes is three hours and everything can change.

Big Ten football takes the fun out of sports. It’s Ohio State and Michigan every year. You could miss the game this Saturday and just catch it next year. It will have the same impact. It will mean just as much. These two schools are never really tested. All they do is beat up on Northwestern and Indiana every season, get hyped beyond belief in the media and the polls, and then face each other with the winner having a great shot at going to the championship game. That’s not sports. That’s marketing. That’s the NCAA building unnecessary hype for what is otherwise a pretty good rivalry. I plan on watching none of this game Saturday. I hope you’ll join me.
Pick: Cardinals

Seattle Seahawks (6-3)(-5) vs. San Francisco 49ers (4-5)
4:05 p.m. Monster Park
Can’t we just move the 49ers to Los Angeles already? Their new park will never be approved. Let’s just save everyone the time and effort and ship them further south to the Coliseum. Or to Mexico…I don’t think anyone would notice.
Pick: Seahawks

San Diego Chargers (7-2) vs. Denver Broncos (7-2)(-2.5)
8:15 p.m. Invesco Field at Mile High
Note to AFC coaches: the Chargers are currently led by a quarterback who throws sidearm and doesn’t even throw to his best receiver. Can anyone please try stopping LaDainian Tomlinson? It would make sense. Why doesn’t anyone try putting eight in the box against him? Marty must just laugh hysterically when he gets behind closed doors. I’m sure he’s shocked that teams are more afraid of Big Bad Philip than of the best running back in the league.
Pick: Broncos

MONDAY
New York Giants (6-3) vs. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-4)(-3)
8:30 p.m. Alltell Stadium
The Jaguars are world beaters…unless they have to play Houston. Seriously, is there a team out there that more resembles the Maryland Terrapins basketball team than Jacksonville? They’ll beat Duke twice a season (wins against Philly, Dallas, Pittsburgh) and then lose to Clemson (Houston twice). How could you possibly overlook the Texans after you already lost to them once? Does this team make any sense to anybody?
Pick: Jaguars