NFL Week 13: Handpicked For Your Enjoyment

Despite consuming large amounts of stuffing during the making of my last picks, I still had an 11-4 mark which bring the records to:
Overall: 110-55 (67%)
Vs. Spread: 95-64-6
The following should not be used to for wagering purposes.

THURSDAY
Baltimore Ravens (9-2) vs. Cincinnati Bengals (6-5)(-3)
8:00 p.m. Paul Brown Stadium
So these Thursday games are permanent now? The NFL is coming closer and closer to imitating college. Soon we’ll have Wednesday night games and Friday afternoon games and the teams that don’t make the playoffs will play in some consolation game in Boise. I don’t like this one bit. Let’s stick to Sunday and Monday night with the occasional Thursday game on Thanksgiving. It’s worked pretty well the last 30 some odd years.
Pick: Bengals

SUNDAY
Minnesota Vikings (5-6) vs. Chicago Bears (9-2)(-9)
1:00 p.m. Soldier Field
As usual, the question is do you feel comfortable taking the Bears with such a large spread? With the Bears offense I usually don’t. However, the defense should be able to grab at least one touchdown for themselves against Brad “The Manager” Johnson.
Pick: Bears

Arizona Cardinals (2-9) vs. St. Louis Rams (5-6)(-6.5)
1:00 p.m. Edward Jones Dome
I know it was 1998, but it seems like just yesterday that Jake Plummer was leading the Cardinals into the playoffs and into a bright future. Now, both Plummer and the Cardinals won’t be on an NFL field this Sunday. Actually, rumor has it that the Cardinals still compete in the NFL. I’m looking into it.
Pick: Rams

Indianapolis Colts (10-1)(-7.5) vs. Tennessee Titans (4-7)
1:00 p.m. LP Field
After demoralizing the Giants, the Titans are now my new second favorite team in the NFL. That won’t help them get picked, but Vince Young is finally on my good side.
Pick: Colts, Titans cover

San Francisco 49ers (5-6) vs. New Orleans Saints (7-4)(-7)
1:00 p.m. Louisiana Superdome
The 49ers are back below .500 and order has temporarily returned to the NFL.
Pick: Saints

Kansas City Chiefs (7-4)(-6) vs. Cleveland Browns (3-8)
1:00 p.m. Cleveland Browns Stadium
I’m really rooting for Kansas City. I’m the only one who picked them to win the AFC West. Man, I would love to be right. And if it wasn’t for the entire division having a brain lock when facing the Chargers and their one person offense, then KC would be large and in charge. I think they’ll beat San Diego in a couple of weeks, but they have to avoid the upset here. This has all the makings of a last second win.
Pick: Chiefs, Browns cover

San Diego Chargers (9-2)(-6) vs. Buffalo Bills (5-6)
1:00 p.m. Ralph Wilson Stadium
Note to the Bills: There’s this running back that plays for the Chargers. His name is LaDainian Tomlinson. He’s pretty good. You need to stop him to win this game. You should probably consider putting nine men in the box. The quarterback? Don’t worry about him. Pretend like he’s not even there. He’s worthless without a running game. Please stop #21 in white. Thanks, and enjoy going .500 the next 10 years. Good luck with that. Signed: Chiefs fans and everyone who picked Kansas City to win the AFC West.
Pick: Chargers

Detroit Lions (2-9) vs. New England Patriots (8-3)(-13)
1:00 p.m. Gillette Stadium
Ok, who snuck onto to this page and changed my Detroit/Miami pick to the Lions? Fess up! All right, it was me who picked the Lions. I don’t remember drinking a whole lot before making that pick. I willingly and thoughtfully risked my otherwise gaudy record on the Lions. Man, I must have been slipped something. What the hell was I thinking? Never, ever pick Detroit.
Pick: Patriots

New York Jets (6-5)(-2) vs. Green Bay Packers (4-7)
1:00 p.m. Lambeau Field
Upset Alert! The Packers have only won one game at home this year. They’re due for win number two.
Pick: Packers

Jacksonville Jaguars (6-5) vs. Miami Dolphins (5-6)(-1.5)
4:05 p.m. Dolphins Stadium
I give up. I have no idea which Jaguars team is playing this week. Their games shouldn’t count against my record. This is a fairly decent opponent, so my best guess is the Jags play up to the competition and win on the road.
Pick: Jaguars

Houston Texans (3-8) vs. Oakland Raiders (2-9)(-3)
4:05 p.m. McAfee Coliseum
Make fun of this game if you want (and I know many of you will), but I thought both teams would be playing for their first win of the season here. Shows what I know.
Pick: Texans

Dallas Cowboys (7-4)(-3) vs. New York Giants (6-5)
4:15 p.m. Giants Stadium
My favorite new FOX advisement is for their “handpicked games”. You see FOX, you don’t get to handpick and flex games. Only NBC gets to do that. When you say “handpicked”, what you really mean is, “the game we’re stuck with after NBC took our best game to their network”. I know handpicked sounds a little more appealing, but please, don’t try to trick us. We’re not that stupid. Besides, who would actually want to watch a team that blew a 21-point fourth quarter lead to a 4-7 team?
Pick: Cowboys

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-8) vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (4-7)(-7)
4:15 p.m. Heinz Field
So this must be FOX’s “other” handpicked game. Where’s the hype for this one?
Pick: Steelers

Denver Broncos (7-4) vs. Seattle Seahawks (7-4)(-3)
8:15 p.m. Qwest Field
Let me see if I can understand this. Shaun Alexander just rushed for over 200 yards last week. Matt Hasselbeck, after a horrendous first half, had three touchdowns and a 2-point conversion in the second half. Both players look pretty healthy. Seattle is at home, where they rarely lose. Denver, on the other hand, is giving the ball to Jay Cutler who will start his first NFL game ever (I’m a big Cutler fan, but he’s not a miracle worker). The Broncos have injuries up and down their defense. And Seattle is only favored by three? What am I missing here?
Pick: Seahawks

MONDAY
Carolina Panthers (6-5)(-3) vs. Philadelphia Eagles (5-6)
8:30 p.m. Lincoln Financial Field
Is it fair to say that the better part of Donovan McNabb’s career is over? First the broken foot a few years ago. Then the phony hernia injury last season. Now a torn ACL. He might be ready for the 2007 opener. Philly may want to think about obtaining a quarterback not named Jeff Garcia for next season. By the way, can the Redskins please play the Eagles at home in either week 1 or week 2 next season. After the schedule the Skins were given this year, I think the NFL owes them a solid.
Pick: Panthers

Later this week: Redskins vs. Falcons (HEY...easy Michael, careful where you're flicking those things) and Terps vs. Notre Dame