NFL Week 17: The Search For Meaningful

The final week of the regular season is upon us. And there are 10, count them, 10 games with playoff implications. All of the games have implications on my records, which have not been all that pretty this season. I come into week 17 with a 139-85-1 record overall and a 114-106-6 record vs. the spread. There aren't too many layups this week to pad the records, so please do not use the following for gambling purposes.

Oakland Raiders (4-11) vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-6)(-12)
1:00 p.m. Raymond James Stadium
The Bucs have done a great job playing themselves out of a playoff spot. Nonetheless, Jon Gruden has done a tremendous job with this team. Eventually, he’ll have to use one of his other five quarterbacks since I don’t think Jeff Garcia has another decent year left in the tank. Here’s hoping for a win, which would knock the Eagles out of the playoffs.
Pick: Buccaneers

Detroit Lions (0-15) vs. Green Bay Packers (5-10)(-10)
1:00 p.m. Lambeau Field
The Lions have come too far to ruin their imperfect season now. I bet they give the Packers a game, but in the end, Detroit will do the only thing they’ve done well all season: lose.
Pick: Packers, Lions cover

New York Giants (12-3) vs. Minnesota Vikings (9-6)(-7)
1:00 p.m. Metrodome
Despite what Tom Coughlin says, there is no way the Giants are going to play as if this game matters to them. If they were smart, they’d want the Vikings in the playoffs. Assuming Dallas wins, if I were the Giants, I’d rather have Minnesota play Dallas in the first round instead of Chicago. If the Bears host Dallas, the Cowboys would probably win and play the Giants in the 2nd round. I’m not sure that the Giants want to deal with Dallas again. However, a Minnesota win in the first round means the Giants probably get the Cardinals-Falcons/Panthers winner in the 2nd round. That would be a much more favorable matchup. Did any of that make any sense?
Pick: Vikings

Chicago Bears (9-6) vs. Houston Texans (7-8)(-3)
1:00 p.m. Reliant Stadium
I’m still recovering from that confusing Giants-Vikings preview. Anyway, I think the Bears win this game but miss out on the playoffs anyway. I think that’s best for everyone, since no one really wants to be subjected to their offense in the postseason.
Pick: Bears

Carolina Panthers (11-4)(-3) vs. New Orleans Saints (8-7)
1:00 p.m. Louisiana Superdome
With Drew Brees chasing a record, and with the Panthers almost certainly suffering from a let down after choking against the Giants, it will most likely result in Carolina losing the division.
Pick: Saints

St. Louis Rams (2-13) vs. Atlanta Falcons (10-5)(-14)
1:00 p.m. Georgia Dome
For the sixth straight season, it appears that last season’s last place team in the NFC South will win the division. And this is probably the most improbable of those six teams. No one, and I mean no one, gave the Falcons to do anything this year. So congrats to Mike Smith and company. Good for them.
Pick: Falcons

Kansas City Chiefs (2-13) vs. Cincinnati Bengals (3-11-1)(-3)
1:00 p.m. Paul Brown Stadium
This is why I hate doing these write-ups in week 17. What’s the point of talking about a game featuring teams with a combined 5-24-1 record? Well, nothing more needs to be said then.
Pick: Chiefs

Tennessee Titans (13-2)(-3) vs. Indianapolis Colts (11-4)(-3)
1:00 p.m. Lucas Oil Field
Despite the combined 24-6 record, this is another pointless game. The Titans are locked into the top seed and the Colts are locked into the 5th seed. This game would have a whole lot of potential if Peyton Manning would actually play more than the first half. There’s a good chance these two teams play in the 2nd round of the playoffs. Until then, we’ll have be satisfied with an exhibition game.
Pick: Colts

Cleveland Browns (4-11) vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-4)(-11)
1:00 p.m. Heinz Field
It appears as if Romeo Crennel is going to keep his job. I’m not sure how he managed to accomplish that. The Browns were supposed to be this season’s break out team. Not only did they not break out, they broke down completely. I understand the injuries at quarterback, but they weren’t exactly world beaters before those occurred.
Pick: Steelers

New England Patriots (10-5)(-6) vs. Buffalo Bills (7-8)
1:00 p.m. Ralph Wilson Stadium
Bill Belichick for coach of the year? I think you could definitely make an argument for him. I said after Brady’s injury, that we would know more about the Belichick-Brady duo and who was more important. I think we found out this season that Bill Belichick may actually be as gifted as all the analysts say he is. However, I think we also see that Tom Brady’s importance to New England and “greatness” as a quarterback is over-exaggerated. He’s merely in the right system. If a quarterback who hadn’t made a start in seven years could lead New England to a 10-win season, anyone could.
Pick: Patriots

Dallas Cowboys (9-6) vs. Philadelphia Eagles (8-6-1)(-1.5)
4:15 p.m. Lincoln Financial Field
Even though I want to see the Eagles win and both of these teams miss the playoffs, something tells me that Dallas is going to take care of business and Tony Romo may actually win a game that matters. Regardless, Eagles fans may want to enjoy the last game of the Donovan McNabb era before he suits up in Chicago next season.
Pick: Cowboys

Jacksonville Jaguars (5-10) vs. Baltimore Ravens (10-5)(-11)
4:15 p.m. M&T Bank Stadium
This smells like a let down game for the Ravens. It really does. Jacksonville has played very well the last couple of weeks, and the Ravens are already looking into their potential first round matchup. Overlook Jacksonville at your own peril.
Pick: Ravens, Jaguars cover

Miami Dolphins (10-5) vs. New York Jets (9-6)(-3)
4:15 p.m. Giants Stadium
While it would be great if Chad Pennington could be the one to end Brett Favre and the Jets season, I doubt it will happen. Sure the Dolphins won in Foxboro. But the Meadowlands in December is a lot different than New England in September. I just don’t see Miami winning the division.
Pick: Jets

Seattle Seahawks (4-11) vs. Arizona Cardinals (8-7)(-7)
4:15 p.m. University of Phoenix Stadium
It was nice to see Mike Holmgren get a win in his final home game. Holmgren has long been one of my favorite coaches (despite his obsession with the West Coast Offense). Now I only wish that Dan Snyder would shell out the money to make Holmgren the Redskins next GM. Goodbye Vinny Ceratto, hello competent management.
Pick: Cardinals, Seahawks cover

Denver Broncos (8-7) vs. San Diego Chargers (7-8)(-8)
8:15 p.m. Qualcomm Stadium
The losing coach in this game should be fired. Mike Shanahan has done nothing since John Elway retired. He’s had talented teams, and he’s played in a weak division, and he’s done nothing. Also, if you allow a team that was 5-8 at one point to win your division, that’s disgraceful. On the other sideline stands Norv Turner, who shouldn’t have a job to begin with. Even with the loss of Shawne Merriman, that defense has way too much talent to be so porous. And how is it possible for an offense with LaDainian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates to struggle so much? The fact that the winner of this game will be allowed to go to the playoffs is disgusting. Despite the Chargers giving eight points, when in doubt, I go against Norv Turner and Philip Rivers in meaningful games.
Pick: Broncos

Of the 10 meaningful games, the Redskins-49ers matchup is not one of them. But we'll discuss it briefly tomorrow