Maryland Basketball: Has Anyone Seen My Cheer Sheet?

#24/NR Maryland Terrapins (22-7, 8-6 ACC) at
#14/14 Duke Blue Devils (22-7, 8-6 ACC)
Juan Dixon Memorial Arena – Durham, NC

So I’m sitting at work the other day, pretending to do something but with nothing to actually do, when my friend sends me a link. He is one of these guys who thinks it’s hilarious to send you some kind of porn link so when you open it everyone in the office sees and the boss gets angry, etc… But I opened it anyway. It turns out, the page he sent me too gave me several minutes of entertainment. And yes, I swear it wasn’t porn.

You all know that I dislike the Sports Dork on ESPN. He writes the same article over and over and over again and, for some reason, people actually continue to read it (kind of like this page, except I don’t write for a national network with the thin disguise of being neutral or somewhat unbiased). Maybe they are just as bored as me at work or something. I don’t know. But, this untalented nobody is able to write the same dribble every day, change a couple of sentences, have no idea what he is talking about and collect, what I can only assume, is a rather hefty paycheck. So this website lets you write your own Sports Guy column and proves just how untalented and unoriginal this dope is. It’s kind of like Mad Libs for sports columns. In fact, the version I created was funnier than most of his crap (again, I’m guessing because I haven’t visited his ESPN page in a long time). Good times. Here is the link if you want to try yourself.

Um, Mark…in case you haven’t noticed, Maryland is on a five game winning streak. Aren’t you going to talk about them? How about you tell us why you picked North Carolina this past weekend. You have some explaining to do, bucko!

Then there are these commercials for this movie 300. I must have seen the trailers over 100 times and I still don’t know what this movie is about. It appears to be some sort of Ancient Greek war story with monsters, digital effects and strange women dancing thrown in for some purpose or another. How many mythology buffs are going to go see this? It looked like the worst movie of the season until I saw the trailers for Reno 911. I can’t believe anyone would go see this. The television show, which is only 30 minutes, is awful. Completely not funny. I’m not even sure what the show is supposed to be. Is it a sketch comedy? Is it a mock-umentary? Mock-u-dramedy? So it looks like Hollywood is going to turn a weekly 30-minute steaming pile of garbage into a larger 100-minute steaming pile of garbage. Where can I stand in line? In all honesty, I liked Reno 911 the first time…when it was called Super Troopers. That movie was funny. This one won’t be.

Seriously, how about Maryland?!? They just beat the fifth ranked team in the country. Hello!!! They’re even playing Duke. This should be a layup for you. Can’t you at least make fun of the Dukies for awhile?

Speaking of commercials, what’s the deal with these dueling Dick Vitale commercials? First, he’s got some weird wig and short shorts on playing basketball for that non-delivery pizza brand. Then, he’s in this bizarre Hooters commercial, straining his neck not looking down at the fine figures that surround him in the ad. I can save Hooters the money. You don’t need Dick Vitale. You don’t need anybody. Here is what every one of their commercials should say: “We have great wings and ridiculously hot girls with no clothing serving them. Please come to Hooters.” That’s it! That’s the ad! And another thing, what’s the de--

That’s it, I’m leaving.

No, no wait…come back! You want Maryland analysis? Fine, I’ll dance.

It was a great win for Maryland. The Predictor was there in style, sitting 10 rows behind the white-clad student section. That makes a grand total of eight Maryland games since I’ve graduated, and I haven’t paid a dollar for any of the tickets. The arena was going nuts. That was the loudest that Comcast has ever been. It wasn’t Cole (no arena is), but it was as close as you’re going to get. Even the alumni made some noise! They didn’t forget to sit on their hands. It was unbelievable.

In fact, I’d say that was probably the best Maryland game I’ve ever attended. I’m going to call it a tie between that game and the 2002 Maryland-Duke game. The UMD-Duke game had a better atmosphere, and I had to camp out for two days in the freezing cold without a tent to get a ticket and then another night just to get into the game. It also included “The Steal”, one of the most recognized plays in Maryland history. You know the one. It happened at the end of the first half when Evil Knevil Williams looked around for his motorcycle but was picked clean by Steve Blake who laid it in at the buzzer. Ah, the memories. But the game was lopsided. Maryland put the beat down on the Dookies 87-73 in a game that wasn’t even that close (Maryland led by 20+ points most of the game). This UNC game had the atmosphere (but not Cole Field House) to go with the quality game. Plus, I was with some friends from home who get even crazier than I do during the games, so that was fun.

Ok, I know I picked UNC. So what? I thought they were going to win. Don’t lie and say that you didn’t think that going into the game. It wasn’t like I was sitting at the game draped in Sky Blue. I had picked the last seven Maryland games correctly. I’m allowed to get one wrong. If you are really going to criticize me for picking against Maryland, then why do you even come here? I’m allowed to have my opinions.

I hate to nitpick, but it wasn’t like Maryland really deserved to win that game. UNC missed their last eight free throws, they refused to cover D.J. Strawberry and they forgot Brendan Wright even existed for half of the game. They still only lost by two on the road. Throw in the inexcusable missed layup by Bobby Frasor and the resulting inevitable momentum swing with six minutes left, and you can only come to the conclusion that Maryland got really lucky in this ball game. Give them credit for playing hard, but don’t kid yourselves into thinking that the Terps were the better team the entire night. I certainly don’t mind taking a cheap win though. The committee isn’t going to take all the asterisks into account when determining seeding.

One final note. How about Mike Jones finally coming through in the clutch! 18 points including three huge shots during Maryland’s second half run. If Jones can get the midrange jumpers and the slashing floaters to go down with some regularity, there isn’t a player in the ACC that can stop him one-on-one. No one will be able to hang tight on him on the perimeter. They’ll have to respect his cuts and ball fakes. He becomes a more complete and dangerous player.

Now Maryland has to travel to the House that Juan Dixon Owns to face the Great White Nerds and their adorable fan base. When we last left the Dookies, Ratface was busy picking up the scraps of his team off the Comcast Center floor. And as much as I enjoyed that game, it seemed that the embarrassing loss has motivated the Nerds to play a little more inspired since then. Paulus has been the main reason for the sudden turnaround. Greg the Human Turnover Machine has, for the time being, stopped turning the ball over. He’s played “better” over the course of the last few weeks. I say “better” because those games have come against Georgia Tech and St. John’s. And I hate to break it to the cheer-sheet readers, but everyone in the country has had good games against the Jackets and Johnnies. Just remember that when Vitale and Mike Patrick gush about him tonight. The Turnover Machine’s numbers are much like Memphis’ record. Looks good on paper, but are hollow inside and cheapened by the lack of real competition.

The media however still feels the need to overrate the Dookies. Yes, once again the Fightin’ Geeks are climbing the rankings. They can be found at 14th in both polls. Maryland, on the other hand, is ranked 24th in the AP Poll. And despite Gary’s best efforts, Maryland is no where to be found in ESPN’s atrocity. I really don’t care about the polls. I usually don’t complain about them. They mean almost nothing. But how can you logically have Dook 10 spots or more ahead of Maryland? They have the exact same record. Maryland’s offense is vastly superior. Their defense actually compares favorably to Dook’s. They own a winning streak of one additional game. Plus, and here’s the kicker, they’ve already beaten the Dorks by a considerable margin. Can anyone tell me how the rankings look like they do? Anyone? Bueller?

Other than the Turnover Machine, the rest of the Dookies seem to be playing slightly better. Requisite Duke White Stiff One (McRoberts) is starting to remember that he’s a forward and should probably play inside more than he has been. This shouldn’t be a concern for Maryland, considering that White Stiff One is not as good as Tyler Hansbrough, James Mays or the Collins-Washington combination. Plus, Maryland has four bodies to throw at him. Not to mention that Requisite Duke White Stiff Two (Star Trek Captain Zoubek) doesn’t play well or enough to help McRoberts on the defensive end. Who stops both Gist and Ibekwe? Who stops Jones and Strawberry if they keep cutting? David McClure? DeMarcus Nelson? Oh please. People make Nelson out to be another Chris Duhon, except for the fact he has half the talent. You can’t possibly expect Half Nelson to stop Strawberry or Vasquez or whoever he matches up with. Plus, both the Turnover Machine and Screamin’ Scheyer are defensive liabilities. I see no reason Vasquez can’t have another great game. Combine that with the near certainty that Gary will decide to press Duke with their lousy point guard, and this game has track meet written all over it.

The weaknesses of this Dook version are the same problems that the 2006 team had. No depth. One or two dimensional players. The inability to put games away. And they don’t have nearly as much talent as they did last season. They have no scorer to stop runs like the 29-4 whopper that the Terps laid on them before. They have no proven guy to put the ball in the hands of down the stretch. They look clueless and frustrated trying to play stall ball in the last 10 minutes of every game. All Maryland has to do is keep the game close for the first 25-30 minutes and watch Dook wilt. As long as Gary throws waves of players at the Dookies and the Terps keep the game within reach, they’ll be ready to pounce at the end of the contest.

The only number that is worth looking at is this one: 72-60. That was the score from the first meeting. What exactly, has changed in the past three weeks? Not much. Sure, the Dookies are playing better. But so is Maryland. In the first game, Strawberry and Jones had pretty poor games. If those two play like they’ve been playing recently, then there is no way you can convince me that Duke suddenly got 12 points better in three weeks. Maryland is going to have to help the Dookies immensely if the Blow Devils hope to win.

The only other difference is the venue. Maryland has played fairly well in the recent years at Juan Dixon Indoor. The Dookies no longer intimidate them. Dook has also managed to lose three home games this season (and was awarded the Clemson game by the refs), which shows that they are most certainly vulnerable. And please, let’s not make a big deal about the caffeinated losers. They aren’t louder or more intimidating than any other student section. In fact, I love Gary’s quote earlier this week:

"It’s no crazier than here," Williams said. "They have about half the number of students at the game. We have 4,000; they have 2,000. They get there early, they hand out sheets to practice their cheers. If you think all that stuff is spur-of-the-moment that you see on television, I've got an exclusive for you. It's well-done. It's well-documented. If I see another story on Krzyzewskiville, I might get a little sick."

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

All the Terps have to do is ignore the fans, hope the refs aren’t too deep in Ratface’s pocket and play like they did last time against these clowns. Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Nerds, I will fear no cheer sheet: for Gary art with me; thy Predictor and his prognostication, they comfort me.

Maryland 75
Duke 71

Elsewhere in the ACC…

I was 4-1 during the weekend, to push the record to 49-24. I’m just giving the scores because I don’t have time to give more. The real job must come first.

Clemson 68, Miami 61
NC State 73, Wake Forest 64
Virginia Tech 82, Virginia 75
North Carolina 90, Georgia Tech 75