NFL Week 17: So Long Eagles, Hello Otto Graham

11 wins this week would give me a personal best in terms of the overall record. 10 would match last year’s mark, and 9 would be a big disappointment. I would need 13 games correctly against the spread to jump over last year’s record, so I doubt that will happen.
Overall: 148-77 (66%)
Vs. Spread: 125-93-7

As always, despite another sterling season, these picks should not be used for any type of gambling purposes.

SATURDAY

New England Patriots (15-0)(-13.5) vs. New York Giants (10-5)
8:15 p.m. Giants Stadium
So let me make sure I have this right. Both teams are cemented into their playoff positions in their respective conferences. The Giants probably won’t play the majority of their starters. The Patriots, even if they won to go 16-0, wouldn’t be perfect yet because they’d theoretically still have three games remaining. So why do I care about this game?
Pick: Patriots

SUNDAY

Buffalo Bills (7-8) vs. Philadelphia Eagles (7-8)(-6.5)
1:00 p.m. Lincoln Financial Field
It was very nice of the Eagles to beat New Orleans last week. The Redskins really appreciate it fellas. Special thanks to all those classy Eagles fans out there (all four of them). Now…play this game, go back into whatever holes you live in and let’s not hear from any of you until next September. Thanks again.
Pick: Eagles

Carolina Panthers (6-9) vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-6)(-3)
1:00 p.m. Raymond James Stadium
Who’s looking forward to that titanic Giants-Bucs first round game next week? Please, don’t all get excited at once.
Pick: Buccaneers

Cincinnati Bengals (6-9)(-2.5) vs. Miami Dolphins (1-14)
1:00 p.m. Dolphins Stadium
I hope the Bengals don’t fire Marvin Lewis. I don’t think they will, but it has become a distinct possibility. You have to remember what the Bengals were before Lewis got there to have any appreciation for what Lewis has done. Remember, this was a team that would consistently go 4-12. At least now the Bengals are frisky once and awhile.
Pick: Bengals

Detroit Lions (7-8) vs. Green Bay Packers (12-3)(-4)
1:00 p.m. Lambeau Field
Despite it being mathematically impossible, Jon Kitna is still predicting 10 wins this year for the Detroit Lions.
Pick: Packers

Jacksonville Jaguars (11-4) vs. Houston Texans (7-8)(-6)
1:00 p.m. Reliant Stadium
Are the Texans really a touchdown favorite? I’m assuming the Jaguars are going to rest all their starters. Otherwise, why would Houston be favored at all?
Pick: Jaguars

New Orleans Saints (7-8)(-1) vs. Chicago Bears (6-9)
1:00 p.m. Solider Field
The Bears just played in their “Super Bowl” last week against Green Bay. They’ve already packed it in for next season. Saints should roll. Sorry Redskins fans, the backdoor into the playoffs is closed.
Pick: Saints

Seattle Seahawks (10-5) vs. Atlanta Falcons (3-12)(PK)
1:00 p.m. Georgia Dome
Again, I’m assuming the line is non-existent because the Seahawks are going to rest everybody. This line actually makes sense considering that the Seahawks came East two weeks ago and crapped the bed against Carolina. And there was still something for the Seahawks to play for at that time. On the other had, the Falcons are so bad, I can’t possibly pick them.
Pick: Seahawks

San Francisco 49ers (5-10) vs. Cleveland Browns (9-6)(-11)
1:00 p.m. Cleveland Browns Stadium
Most places are telling you that it doesn’t matter what Cleveland does in this game, but they don’t tell you why. Let me try to explain. If both Cleveland and Tennessee win, then they both have identical conference records, and the next tiebreaker belongs to the Titans. If they both lose, Cleveland is playing an NFC opponent (and a poor one at that), and that would make Cleveland’s AFC conference record better than Tennessee’s. So this is really a bizarre, and I believe, unprecedented situation for the Browns. They could show up and blow out the 49ers. They could lay down and get waxed. They could start a team compromised of Jim Brown, Paul Warfield and the corpse of the late Otto Graham and it wouldn’t matter.
Pick: Browns, 49ers cover

Pittsburgh Steelers (10-5)(-3) vs. Baltimore Ravens (4-11)
4:15 p.m. M&T Bank Stadium
Here’s hoping we have another Ravens loss and the Criminals carry the longest losing streak in the NFL into next season. Happy New Year Baltimore!
Pick: Steelers

Minnesota Vikings (8-7)(-3) vs. Denver Broncos (6-9)
4:15 p.m. Invesco Field at Mile High
The Redskins provided a blueprint for beating Minnesota in future seasons. Put 8 or 9 guys in the box and force Tarvaris Jackson to beat you. That simple. He is plain awful. Denver can’t stop the run. That’s bad news for the Broncos.
Pick: Vikings

San Diego Chargers (10-5)(-7) vs. Oakland Raiders (4-11)
4:15 p.m. McAfee Coliseum
The Chargers still have something to play for. So that one score line may be a tad low.
Pick: Chargers

St. Louis Rams (3-12) vs. Arizona Cardinals (7-8)(-6)
4:15 p.m. University of Phoenix Stadium
You know at the beginning of the season when I said the Rams were my darkhorse team and could sneak in to the playoffs? Yeah, ignore that.
Pick: Cardinals

Kansas City Chiefs (4-11) vs. New York Jets (3-12)(-5)
4:15 p.m. Giants Stadium
Remember when I said the Jets would be awful this season? Yeah, focus on that. By the way, how would you like to be the guy in Vegas who has to make a betting line for this game?
Pick: Jets

Tennessee Titans (9-6)(-5.5) vs. Indianapolis Colts (13-2)
8:15 p.m. RCA Dome
We know the Colts are going to play Peyton Manning for at least a half. Tony Dungy learned two seasons ago that it doesn’t pay to rest your starters if you have a bye week already clinched. There’s no sense in giving players 20 days off between games. The Colts starters should play long enough to win.
Pick: Colts